How was this not my favorite movie as a kid? I think it may be the horniest children’s movie I’ve ever seen. Wait a second, did Chel just give Tulio a blowjob? They’re off-camera, presumably making out, but she definitely pops up from his waist. Somehow Tulio’s mouth had to be free to yell, “WHOA!” So whatever they were doing, it definitely didn’t involve his mouth. Also, no one pauses making out to yell “Whoa.” Unless you’re suddenly realizing that you’re actually tongue-kissing a bear, shouting “Whoa!” is inhumanly strange.
Upon Sherlock Holmesing this scenario, I have decided that fellatio is the most plausible action being performed. Also, this movie rules. I’m going to have to text my mom and see if she remembers Chel sampling the sausage in front of my tiny baby eyes. Explain your way out of THAT one, Pam.
Slave Jasmine “Falling In Love” In Aladdin
Watching As A Kid:
“The joke’s on you, Jafar! We all know Genie’s magic can’t make people fall in love. And he’s trying to explain it to Jafar, but Jafar’s just too craaaazy to listen! What a relief that Jasmine is acting fast and pretending the Genie granted the wish. She’s so clever, using all those tricks in the book to fool Jafar. That’ll really buy some time for Aladdin. Oh no, now Jasmine has to kiss Jafar? You’ve got it right, Abu and Iago. That’s so gross!”
Watching As An Adult:
Well what do you know, that old man has that young woman in shackles. That’s, for lack of a better term, yucky. What kind of slave is he keeping her as? Did something happen off-screen that we weren’t told about? OK fine, the Genie can’t grant that “fall desperately in love with me” wish due to the restrictions of his powers. I’ll buy it. Jasmine is going to take one for the team and pretend she’s in love with him. Wait, why is she sashaying up to him like a mandrill in heat?
You know, for a girl without a mom who has never left the palace, Jasmine has a pretty twisted view of what “love” is. Where did she learn these swaggering sexpot flirting skills? How did she know how to make a throaty sex voice like that? Do they have Cinemax in Agrabah? Jafar said “love.” Now she’s hanging all over him, cooing in a honey-drip voice, and making out with a creepy old dude in front of her boyfriend. Where is she getting that this is how people in love act? Taking some liberties there, Jasmine. Some big, hard, thrusting liberties.
Kind of makes me question the sort of “love” the original storyboard artist paid for. I mean, experienced.
You can fall desperately in love with Loryn and Lydia on Twitter.
Thankfully the Animaniacs will preserve your childhood innocence with–wait, they snuck in sex jokes too? Ok, what about Rugrats??
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