Well fam, we made it. After a sexual assault scandal, a production shutdown, and countless suicide threats by me rumors, we somehow made it to the season four premier. I for one cannot believe I am writing this recappartially because Ive never done it before, and partially because I cannot believe that after shitting on […]

The world is rapidly changing, and as a result, many things we took for granted are falling by the wayside — some entire industries, an iceberg or ten, your favorite movie premises, etc. Admittedly, “classic film storylines becoming obsolete” isn’t a problem on the same level as “our grandkids will need protective goggles to go […]

Bad movies are often made fun of for years, but bad TV shows tend to be quickly forgotten and replaced by the next bad TV show. This goes doubly for shows that only last for one season or, in some cases, never make it past the pilot episode. However, there are some shows which totally […]

As technology has advanced, so too has dating. Gone are the days of going to the sock hop and waiting for your beau to show up to offer you a dance and buy you a soda or whatever; now we can basically order a boo on demand with the flick of a wrist and the […]

If the worst should ever happen to your health, there’s a good chance that you’ll turn to a crowdfunding website, such as GoFundMe or JustGiving, to fill the gap left by our night-terror-inducing healthcare system. The reason for this is simple: There are no insurance brokers or complicated paperwork, just a group of people desperate […]

Get intimate with Season 1 of our podcast, Cracked Gets Personal. Subscribe for fascinating episodes like My Job Was Killing People: 3 Soldiers Tell Us Everything and Behind Every War News Story Is A 20-Something College Kid. And keep an eye out for Season 2, coming soon! Should you drunkenly celebrate St. Patrick’s Day or […]

If you’ve felt a little off recently, there’s probably a pretty good reason. No, Mercury isn’t in retrograde or anything. It’s Anne Hathaway’s birthday on November 12th. Hating on Anne Hathaway is kind of like cringing when someone asks you to take a tequila shot. It’s a reflex that we all share, and although some of […]

In case you were overwhelmed by the sexual assault reckoning, the charging of Michael Flynn, the missile launching in North Korea, or just abandoned the Internet for life of solitude on a secluded ranch rural Wyoming (highly recommend), you might have missed the news that we’re quite possibly facing a government shutdown in the next few […]

Bad movies are everywhere — in theaters, on TV, and we’re reasonably sure that terrible script ideas constantly hover around Michael Bay like cartoon stink lines. But while it’s easy to shit all over these films, let’s take an affirmative approach for a change. If you use a heaping helping of positive thinking, some cinematic […]

Rewatching your favorite childhood movies is usually delightful. They’re bright, colorful, easy to follow, and there’s a good chance that every ten minutes someone will burst into unstoppable song. But then one day your adult eyes kick in. Something that was completely innocent to you as a kid now looks a little … hornier. And […]

Happy early birthday to the original fuckboy of Hollywood: Leonardo DiCaprio. He’s contributed a lot in his 42 years of life, like with his role as Jack Dawson, who taught us that even if you’re humble poor and lie your way through life, you still get the girl. And you get to die when said […]

One day, many years ago, my brain suddenly announced that I was going to die. It didn’t offer any specifics, but it was convinced that something horrible was definitely going to happen to me. Like a terrible plumber, I naturally wondered “Where did all this shit come from?” Short answer: It was an anxiety disorder. […]

In these heartbreaking times, when so many of our real idols are turning out to be massive dickholes, maybe it seems pointless to note how equally creepy some of our fictional idols are. But those guys reflect on our culture too, specifically when we clearly weren’t supposed to find them creepy. The comically lecherous middle-aged […]

We have some bad news. Ok fair, we know…when was the last time we had any good news in this shitstorm that is 2017 besides the announcement that Luna Teigen-Legend is going to be a big sister? But this bad news involves the internet: that thing you’re reading this article on right now while hastily […]

We really need to think before we speak. We don’t mean us personally, though of course our big fat mouths have gotten us fired from more jobs than most people knew existed. We mean that if you stop to think about it, there are all sorts of bizarre pitfalls hiding in our language. Like how […]

You can learn a lot about a person by how they react to bad news, whether it’s a natural disaster, a neo-Nazi rally, someone important denying climate change, or whatever else happens to be the day’s headline. Some people get outraged, some try to organize a response, some get out their soapbox. You’ll get your […]

Hear ye, hear ye. It is a holy day in betchy history: Chrissy Teigen’s 32nd birthday. When Chrissy Teigen first became famous, initially we all thought she was just another hot swimsuit model. Which, to be clear, is admirable in and of itself. But then we noticed that not only is Chrissy beautiful, but she’s […]

We do a lot of things knowing that they aren’t great for the environment. We leave the faucet running while we brush our teeth, we throw out tons of food because it looks misshapen, and we use hairspray even though we know damn well we’ve been bald for over 15 years. But surprisingly, our worse […]

So, according to my calculations (and Wikipedia) LaCroix was made as a down-to-earth alternative to the “snobbish” Perrier. I’m pretty sure calling it LaCroix was their first mistake in trying to establish an accessible brand, mainly because LaCroix is the only word I have in my French vocabulary besides fromage. Cue DJ Khaled, because LaCroix […]

Yet another woman came forward this week with additional claims against Alabama Senate candidate, and creepy child predator, Roy Moore, accusing him of sexual assault, which like, ok sure what else is new? At this point, news of Moore assaulting another underage girl is as groundbreaking as news that the sky is blue, or Ryan […]

I’ll just come out and say it: At this point, the Kardashians need to just fucking confirm their pregnancies already. We know Kylie and Khloé are pregnant. They know we know they’re pregnant. We know they know we know they’re pregnant. They know we know they know… wait, what was I saying? Oh, right. The […]

Sad news for those of us who consider ourselves princesses in training: Prince Harry, aka the world’s most eligible bachelor and an actual hot redhead, is no longer eligible. Monday morning, the royals announced that Harry is officially engaged to actress Meghan Markle, and that their insane fancy wedding spectacular will take place sometime in […]

Read Next 5 The Internet Is Actively Pushing Back When the Nazis originally managed to rise to power in 1932 with an approval rating of just around 37 percent, they had two major advantages on their side: History had not yet shown what colossal asshats they’d prove to be, and there was no internet to […]

As reported every year, Hollywood is once again fearing a summer of sequel fatigue to the third Planet Of The Apes, the fifth Transformers and Pirates movies, and the recent sixth Alien film. Luckily, I have the cure — and it comes in the form of our ongoing series about upcoming films primed to blast […]

Movie posters range from high art (see: Raiders Of The Lost Ark, Vertigo) to crimes against humanity (basically anything with Nicolas Cage Photoshopped to look like a startled mall mannequin). But even though posters are only supposed to be advertisements, some go the extra mile and sneak tantalizing mysteries into their art. SPOILERS AHEAD for […]

I hate screen snoopers. What I do on my phone or computer is between me and my doctor. What are they hoping to catch with their beady little eyes? Do they think they’ll see something interesting, like the romantic slashfic between Captain Picard/Mater the truck from Cars that I’m definitely not writing?

The New York Times wrote an article profiling a Nazi this weekend, and man, did that not go over well. Seems like when you share little anecdotes about muffin trays and lunch at Panera Bread with a guy who described Hitler as “kind of chill” in regards to his desire to kill homosexuals and Slavs, […]

We can say with some certainty that the federal government is not, in fact, a front for the lizard people (they’ve infiltrated local and state governments, at best). But that’s not to say that history isn’t chock-full of real conspiracies. The past is rich with countless illicit movers and shakers, perpetually twisting society’s hidden gears […]

This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there. Now that we live in a time in which the internet is considered as necessary as our own heads, it’s vital that we become extra web-savvy and find ways to protect ourselves online. […]

America went and did it: We put a troll in charge of the country. And surprise! Things are not working out well. But to be fair, this isn’t the first time. See, four score and however many more you need to add to make it 156 years ago, there was another smack-talking, shit-stirring prankster jackass […]

I believe you can tell a lot about a celebrity by the products they shill. Michael Jordan was some sort of sports guy, so he wanted you to buy hyper-expensive Nike shoes. Jamie Lee Curtis assumes you have trouble shitting, so she invented yogurt. And if Larry the Cable Guy doesn’t eat straight Prilosec, he […]

You’re a good person, right? Don’t answer that if you don’t want to; I’m not here to humiliate you, we can just take it as a given. We’re all cool here. But you pay your taxes, only rarely worship false idols, and have never driven over someone for taking too long in a crosswalk. Basically, […]

Hollywood has a weird fascination with telling the same stories over and over again. Outside of the mountains of bloated remakes being made year after year, this also means that the same tired racial tropes are being passed around from film to film. Most people don’t realize it, because subtle racism can be pretty damn […]

Hollywood hates casting teenagers to play teenagers. This is partly because they can only work a limited number of hours in a day, and partly because ew, teenagers. Because of that, most of the “teenagers” I grew up idolizing were actors and actresses in their 20s or even 30s. Some movies and shows have been […]

Some celebrities see fame as tremendous burden and distraction from their craft, whereas others treat it as a golden opportunity to screw with thousands of strangers for no logical reason save “shits and giggles.” We’re talking about such famous rascals as … You can’t argue that he didn’t give the fans exactly what they’d asked […]

When people think of racism, most of them imagine stuff that is very overt and obvious — slurs being yelled, people being denied entry to certain locations, black makeup smeared over the face of a very stupid white dude, etc. These are all things that shout “RACISM” through a Confederate-flag-colored megaphone. But what most non-minorities […]

With the exception of those soap operas that will outlive our grandchildren, most TV shows eventually come to an end. Final episodes tend to be polarizing; you either love them, or you vow to spend the rest of your days destroying the bastards who created them. The thing is, if you look back at those […]

Look, we love calling out movies and TV shows on their plot holes — it’s roughly three-fifths of our job. But sometimes we find ourselves in the awkward position of defending soemthing against others pointing out plot holes that don’t actually exist. Truly, it is an upside-down world wherein cats eat dogs and we use, […]

I thought I hated myself on Thanksgiving morning when I was too hungover from my Thanksgiving Eve blackout to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade with my little sister, but no. As usual, I’ve outdone myself. I realize my lack of self-control has truly got to me when it comes to Fireball owning a credit […]

Nobody expects celebrities to actually be exactly the way they portray themselves publicly. Bruce Willis doesn’t go around killing terrorists every day (that probably happens, like, every other weekend). When you’re famous, it’s understood that you’ll have to bullshit a little and cultivate an image that appeals to your audience. But some do less cultivating […]

Superhero movies used to be like porn — less about the plot, and more about properly fitting people banging into one other with some force. But as Marvel developed its increasingly convoluted cinematic universe, things have changed. We now get fully developed characters with rich backstories and arcs that span multiple films. Still, not even […]

There’s nothing you’ll crave quite so much at Thanksgiving as alcohol. Between the constant questions from family members about your love life, your social media presence, when you’re going to start ruining your life with kids, and how it looks like you gained weight, you’ll be demanding a shot (or six) by hour two. Luckily, […]

Doctor Strange is clever and unique in a lot of ways, but the actual plot feels like a placeholder template that came free with the screenwriting software. The villains are paving the way for an invasion from an otherworldly evil that manifests itself as a glowing pillar of light. The hero is essentially Tony Stark […]

It’s impossible to spend more than a few minutes online without encountering an inspirational story meant to brighten your day. Which is nice, because it’s probably sandwiched in between a story about a church getting shot up and a story about a mall getting shot up. Maybe there’s a cool new technology, maybe an animal […]

When you think of acupuncture, you probably think of two things: needles to the face, and your weird alternative friend who shadily doesn’t believe in vaccines. Well, like most stereotypes, this is not really correct. Acupuncture has been around forever and isn’t like, some back-alley shit you turn to in a moment of desperation. Well, […]

I was an only child to a single parent who worked late. I’ve been working from home for nearly ten years. Combined, that’s the kind of alone time that can make neighbors rehearse their “He was a quiet fella, always kept to himself” news report answers in preparation for my inevitable crime spree. I’m by […]

This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there. Read Next HTML without JavaScript is like a Furby without batteries — it kinda works as a stuffed animal, but any interactions that happen will mostly be of your own imagination and probably […]

As Millennials are set to become the most educated generation in history, it has never been so important to properly prepare young folks for how college truly works. Which is harder than you might think, because Hollywood is constantly filling their smartypants heads with the wrong information. For example … In Animal House, whenever one […]

Whitewashing in movies remains an ongoing problem, but at least we seem to be getting better at calling it out. Remember what happened with the live-action Ghost In The Shell, which cast Scarlett Johansson as an Asian character? Pop culture sites like Collider and IndieWire called it racist, reviews ripped into it for its erasure […]

Leonardo DiCaprio is like, the king of the dad bod. Sure, he had a pretty good run as one of the hottest guys in the history of ever, but unlike the other regulation hotties in Hollywood (I’m looking at you, Brad and George), Leo has kind of let himself go. I mean, nobody was expecting […]

This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there. The same way an economic downturn profits the foreclosure sign business, now is the time to profit most from a career in cybersecurity. Equifax’s recent multi-billion-dollar blunder and the KRACK WiFi vulnerability debacle […]

If your business can be crippled by black people protesting injustice, you probably aren’t running a great business. Still, that’s what the owner of Papa John’s is claiming since sales of his decidedly meh pizza have fallen. I somehow doubt the titular John of Papa John’s understands, or even cares to look into, the reasons […]

Unless you’re 12 years old or don’t consistently wake up on Monday morning from a Sunday brunch hangover (and honestly wtf else would you be doing with your life?), I hate to break it to you, but you’ve got bags, and I’m not talking that reusable trendy shit you hoard in your pantry. Look, we’re […]

What would you say was the point of Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek? I would argue that the show was meant to hold a mirror up to humanity and show how we as a species could triumph over our own failings. We have the potential to rise above our baser instincts and truly be good. And […]

Science fiction is cool. It’s got lasers, spaceships, and sassy goddamned robots. And sure, there are actual lasers and spaceships and sassy robots in our boring nonfictional world, but they kind of suck, don’t they? They’re all just highlighting interesting facts on whiteboards or vacuuming our rugs instead of fighting space wars like they should […]

How many times are you allowed to say or do something stupid before you realize you yourself are stupid? Seven times? 24? Butts? Rush Limbaugh has been wrong about 270 things a day for 40 years, and he would be truly shocked to learn he’s stupid. We aren’t good at spotting our own intellectual limitations. […]

This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there. Sadly, the job market doesn’t really care if you were captain of the JV water polo team or wasted a teenage summer filling their pool with pudding. Getting a good job requires actually […]

Mondays always suck, unless it’s the day after literally any award show. There’s truly nothing better than sitting at your desk, pretending to work as you scroll through Instagram and judge the shit out of all the red carpet looks. As you’ve probably seen if you follow any celebrities on any form of social media, […]

Here’s a popular right-wing meme that got spread around before the attack in Charlottesville: So, here’s what I want to ask anyone sharing that (or wearing it on a t-shirt — yes, they sell them): When we replace the stick figures with actual bleeding humans, does that change how you feel about it at all? […]

We could write several articles about all the gruesome stuff that’s in the Bible — in fact, we already have. It’s a book full of gore, incest, and parables about loving one another. Can you imagine how gross or terrifying a Biblical story would have to be for the early church to go “Dear God, […]